Home sweet home. While racking my brains for what to do on this blog, it reminded me of how AQA used to destroy my brains by forcing me to come up with bulls*it theories on poetry and why they said this and that and how it goes with the time of the piece. Some of the poets deserved such time and effort to decipher there complex satirical/biblical pieces. But one about Robin going on his own instead of hanging about with batman? 3 god damn pages required for it?! And the others, ones where they were so horny even tissues ran away from them, those that could only be written by 38year old virgins and housewives and those that were so dull they required to be read in a monotone.
I used to write poetry, quite a lot actually, which is one of the reasons why I was capable of writing that “rap” on the podcast so fast. So, here are my versions of complex verses required of harsh deciphering, prepare for a nose bleed. Not really, they might be a little silly but I wouldn’t say they are nose bleeders or even spoofs. But I can guarantee you one thing, I’m going to try and write them in 10minutes (each).
Fish Haiku, hi to you to
I really do hate fish
Especially those who think they can breathe
Admittedly, I’m a fish as-well.
Thou King of Confectionary
I arrive at my destination,
Where? No where to mention
As to avoid personal dissertations on the Bellys darkening affection,
“Thou have come to the right place, peon”
A man bellowed with feeling
Which deserved thunderaplus applause, enough to crack the ceiling,
Of the buildings surrounding and compounding.
“thy face is like a gravestone
Filled with fine etchings but below thou art empty!
For the grave robbers have come and gone and sticky there fingers down your throat or was it there thumb?
Either way I am glad you have come!
For I have foraged these goods from a far,
On horseback not by car,
For it is about the journey not the destination!
A ladies smile is important, not the teeth that have devoid creation.
Is it not!?” I smile and agree
Just for this man to continue so I can see what he can see.
“blood stone snap up a thicket,
As fast as a 3 striped suit doth fall over a ball at a party for cricket
Do you understand?
It is not about the destination, it is about the journey young man!
Because we would never eat a fish which hath turned up uninvited
Or bacon being brought without being sighted!
So choose wisely my dear, for I am the king of confectionary!
And I am fully aware of the destination and the journey, which information can be scary!
For I shan’t tell it to you!
Make a choice, do what I do
For thou art the king of confectionary”
I marvelled at this maverick for a second then made a choice that he could see.
Ok I’ll have a chesseburger meal and does ketchup come for free?
He smiles and says, “indeed”.
My cheese rap
Here are the lyrics to my rap about cheese, notice the use of yos for anticipation purposes!
Yo yo yo yo
Yoghurts easily made of cheese
Wipe it on my bigs lips makes me a g,
Can I get a call out from babybel
Cause I know mary and she uses it as gel.
Sperm referenceing on this questral
Makes me famous in the chedder festival!
Buy loads of cheese, give it loads of holes
For sexual reasons and instead of newspaper for the treason for my spy pleasing
They think it smells, yeah well smell sells
Why do you think susan boyle gets all the girls.
She got a cheesy smile, that’s all I’m saying
Like a fine cheese it never goes off
Just like the bodies in the basement, man that’s rough
I’m not waiting any more, enough’s enough
If theres grass on the field then stay away from the muff!
Monster making Morecambe milk malnourished
Bring a few cows and they will flourish to nourish the goodness
The motherfucking cheesy goodness, solero.
They are a bit silly, but I will give 20 points to anyone who can come up with a huge deciphering essay about them all, honestly I will be your best friend if you do it! SO check out my other blogs if you want, add me on twitter, buy the tshirt! Much love all!