Showing posts with label education. Show all posts
Showing posts with label education. Show all posts

Wednesday, 31 August 2011

Day Thirty! Puberty, Monitored by Facebook (and a Harry Potter Mention!)


Introduction
God headache, why won’t you go away! I’ve had a horrible piercing headache all day! I’ve taken everything I can, I even tried to sniff up a nail because apparently it would help (it didn’t!). Along with that, my groin muscles are acting up (too much sex, with the wall). I’ve had that problem on and off for a few years now and it always happens un-dramatically. It’s not like I saved a goal from going in with a diving tackle on the 93rd minute, its more “I got up ever so slightly faster then my leg was expecting”. God I sound like an old man, I think that’s my problem, I have the view on life like a 60 year old man. That’s probably why I quite like long relationships and werther's original (or as they say in Phoneshop, nonse nuggets). My idea of bliss is being tucked away in a tropical island with a wife and access to seeing a few of my friends. No hussle and bussle, no troubles or worries. It sounds like a universal dream, but I’ve heard quite a lot of goals would be going out, taking loads of drugs and getting with women. That idea is fine, except that’s only one night, it doesn’t really take up any responsibilities for the day after, when you find out you’ve sold one of your own hands to a gypsy for shelter against the purple storm gathering in your left eye socket. F*cking gypsies.

The Times They are a Changing
It’s taken me 30 blogs but I’ve managed to get a Bob Dylan lyric in there! 5 points to Gryffindor! Actually thinking about it, would I be in that team? I feel like I’d be in Gryffindor but there is just something so awesome about Slytherin. I mean, they can’t all be that evil if they’ve actually made a team for it, right? This is coming from the guy who hasn’t watched the last two films or read any of the books! Let’s see how many readers I lose after declaring that.

Anyway! It’s going to be quite hard for me to stay on subject, what subject you say!? Exactly. Having Facebook (or any other social medium) has opened up loads of doors and has changed the way we perceive social definition. Along with that, it has been interesting to watch people redefine and grow as people over the time I have been friends with them on Facebook. Like when you see a photo of them when they joined Facebook and they looked like Jabba the Hut! Then you look at there current photo and they miraculously look like Jabba the Hut but with a new scarf, it’s still interesting to see. If I could post the before and after photos of people reconfiguring their looks and puberty taking them by the throat, I would. But I’m pretty sure you could see it for yourself! I have quite a few people who I grew up with, who now look completely different too how they looked previously.

Hell, quite a lot of them have replaced there own display pictures to photos of an ultra sound. Although, I do sometimes fear that they just have stolen the photo from someone else and advertised it as their own (what I’m trying to say is, all the ultra sound photos look the same! No offence or anything but I genuinely got worried that a baby had 3 mums and no dad, as they posted similar photos all in unison). Either that is their baby or they have gone for the ultra “retro photo” of themselves. Congratulations to all new mums by the way!

Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, which is why ugly people usually wear eyepatches. Just made that up! It’s astonishing to see how people have transformed and fluctuated there sense of style, weight and beliefs. I have recently discovered changes in myself, not just from the height difference (I never said the noticeable changes wouldn’t be subtle *Sad face*). I recently watched something that broke my heart a little bit, I re-watched Jurassic Park Lost World, didn’t enjoy it that much.

Summary
For all the things I hate Facebook for, this is not one of them. I find it intriguing to see people become who they’ve always wanted to be, too live out there dreams as the person they have always wished to live there lives as. The years to which I will live out are more defining then any of the other years previous. The expectations, the dreams, the surprises, all will probably be revealed on Facebook and I will probably roll my eyes and sigh at most of the moany ones, even my own.

One thing I love is the fact that the word processor I was using on my Nan’s computer didn’t like the word blog. Yet on this word processor at my home, it’s totally fine with blog AND Gryffindor!

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Tuesday, 30 August 2011

Day Twenty-Nine! My incredibly Powerful Poetry (one's about a fish!)

Introduction
Home sweet home. While racking my brains for what to do on this blog, it reminded me of how AQA used to destroy my brains by forcing me to come up with bulls*it theories on poetry and why they said this and that and how it goes with the time of the piece. Some of the poets deserved such time and effort to decipher there complex satirical/biblical pieces. But one about Robin going on his own instead of hanging about with batman? 3 god damn pages required for it?! And the others, ones where they were so horny even tissues ran away from them, those that could only be written by 38year old virgins and housewives and those that were so dull they required to be read in a monotone.

I used to write poetry, quite a lot actually, which is one of the reasons why I was capable of writing that “rap” on the podcast so fast. So, here are my versions of complex verses required of harsh deciphering, prepare for a nose bleed. Not really, they might be a little silly but I wouldn’t say they are nose bleeders or even spoofs. But I can guarantee you one thing, I’m going to try and write them in 10minutes (each).

Fish Haiku, hi to you to

I really do hate fish
Especially those who think they can breathe
Admittedly, I’m a fish as-well.

Thou King of Confectionary
I arrive at my destination,
Where? No where to mention
As to avoid personal dissertations on the Bellys darkening affection,
“Thou have come to the right place, peon”
A man bellowed with feeling
Which deserved thunderaplus applause, enough to crack the ceiling,
Of the buildings surrounding and compounding.

“thy face is like a gravestone
Filled with fine etchings but below thou art empty!
For the grave robbers have come and gone and sticky there fingers down your throat or was it there thumb?
Either way I am glad you have come!
For I have foraged these goods from a far,
On horseback not by car,
For it is about the journey not the destination!
A ladies smile is important, not the teeth that have devoid creation.
Is it not!?” I smile and agree
Just for this man to continue so I can see what he can see.

“blood stone snap up a thicket,
As fast as a 3 striped suit doth fall over a ball at a party for cricket
Do you understand?
It is not about the destination, it is about the journey young man!
Because we would never eat a fish which hath turned up uninvited
Or bacon being brought without being sighted!
So choose wisely my dear, for I am the king of confectionary!
And I am fully aware of the destination and the journey, which information can be scary!
For I shan’t tell it to you!
Make a choice, do what I do
For thou art the king of confectionary”
I marvelled at this maverick for a second then made a choice that he could see.
Ok I’ll have a chesseburger meal and does ketchup come for free?
He smiles and says, “indeed”.

My cheese rap
Here are the lyrics to my rap about cheese, notice the use of yos for anticipation purposes!

Yo yo yo yo

Yoghurts easily made of cheese
Wipe it on my bigs lips makes me a g,
Can I get a call out from babybel
Cause I know mary and she uses it as gel.
Sperm referenceing on this questral
Makes me famous in the chedder festival!
Buy loads of cheese, give it loads of holes
For sexual reasons and instead of newspaper for the treason for my spy pleasing

They think it smells, yeah well smell sells
Why do you think susan boyle gets all the girls.
She got a cheesy smile, that’s all I’m saying
Like a fine cheese it never goes off
Just like the bodies in the basement, man that’s rough

I’m not waiting any more, enough’s enough
If theres grass on the field then stay away from the muff!
Monster making Morecambe milk malnourished
Bring a few cows and they will flourish to nourish the goodness
The motherfucking cheesy goodness, solero.

Summary
They are a bit silly, but I will give 20 points to anyone who can come up with a huge deciphering essay about them all, honestly I will be your best friend if you do it! SO check out my other blogs if you want, add me on twitter, buy the tshirt! Much love all!


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