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Thursday, 4 August 2011

Day Four- Ignorant/Narrow Minded People (It does get a little serious)

Introduction

I think you truly have lost a part of your soul if you find yourself shouting at your computer because of someone’s narrow minded/ignorant perspective. Deep I know. But, anyone who connects David and Victoria Beckham’s recent odd choice of baby name (Harper Seven) to “the impending inevitability of illegal immigrants stealing the tax payers job” (their words not mine) has something wrong with them. So, this will be a blog about the narrow minded views shown by the ignorant. The start of comedic gold, right?

Small scale (Crohns disease?! Pfft, Scone’s ma Knees)

I’m going to start small, and I will work my way up (like my wife! Whatever that means, I think I’m saying she’s a dwarf making her way up a step ladder?). An example of this that I know about was a situation involving a friend of mine with the same disease as me (Crohn’s Disease, ladies form a cue). He was asked "what is Crohn’s Disease?" He tries to answer but a person (we will call her a willy) said “It’s just when you shit a lot” (and she wasn’t joking, I would of let her off is she was). Now don’t get me wrong, it is part of it that many are inflicted with, but there is so much more to it then that. Crohn’s Disease is the inflammation of the bow. It can cause severe pain, make you have some of your intestines cut out and replaced with a colostomy bag and enhances the chances of getting other things too depressing to mention. Not a fun disease. The person she said it to, has it so much worse then me, the poor bloke has to get ion infusions and injects’ himself every two weeks along with being on pills. What she said was ignorant, to dismiss a disease with just a single belief of her own because of her (un)education on the matter. But this is a smaller scale example, not anything worth getting upset about.

I understand that people may not know a lot about Crohns Disease, and I will be doing a blog about it and my experience with coping and that one day.

Larger Scale (Obamainator baby)

An example of this in a larger scale (it truly is about 100x as worse as saying “you just shit a lot”). During the 2008 presidential campaign involving Barack Obama and John Mccain, a number of interviews took place at a rally for the Republican Party. A news team went over and asked members of the rally to why they oppose Obama, I’m not going to say what they said, but I will put the link below. Watch it..

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zRqcfqiXCX0

Now, that is narrow minded on a big scale. Fair enough if you understand the other side but you prefer playing for the other team, that’s fine. I’m all up for free will and democracy. But being fed lies that only take a little bit of common sense to realise that they might be wrong, or they might have been a victim of Chinese whispers, that’s not OK. The passion to which they spoke their preposterous and slanderous thoughts is worrying. To think Sarah Palin could gain any power from the 2012 election or anyone with a similar viewpoint because of these people is alarming. The same as any ill educated arse chief who wants' there views heard could then herd up a collection of other ill educated sheep and cause mischief in any country. Also, the name of the youtube video really does say misconception, but hey! Misconception has the word concept in it, concept being an idea, which in turn is a theory! Let’s go with this theory, and keep it a theory! We don’t want the disgusting omnipotence of fact creeping into our minds!

It’s these things that get me down. But I genuinely believe these “free-will hating freedom fighters” are a minority in most civilised countries. There are plenty of over cases that I could discuss and might do over the month, but I just thought I’d choose something old and incredibly obvious to avoid writing millions of words.

Also on a lighter note, Sarah Palin really does show the power of being a pretty woman doesn’t she? If she was a man and revealed she shot bears in Alaska and named her son Track because she likes running, you’d think she was a bit of a nutter. There is another video where people turned up to her book signing, they were then asked opinions on her. They were great with the adjectives but not on her actual policies. Infact, it kind of made it seem they had no clue what they were talking about when it came to the actual important stuff, but hey, that's just my opinion. Link is down below.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=27QTX46XNLM&feature=related

Also, doesn’t the guy who says Obama is a wolf wearing the jacket of a sheep and the shoes of a rapist look a lot like Eli from There Will be Blood?!

Summary

I understand if people would rather stay ignorant because they are scared of what would happen if they open there eyes. I do that on a small scale when the light reflects on my cup of water and I see dust and hair in it, I just deny its existence and drink it. But sometimes you got to step out of your comfort zone and really learn about what’s on the other side. Try to acknowledge that you’re actually drinking from a very dirty cup. Draw your own painting instead of getting someone else’s tattooed, it’s so much easier to edit that way.

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Wednesday, 3 August 2011

Day Three- Top Five Small but Irritating Things

Introduction

Had a few good things said about my blogs so far! No doubt the highlight being “yesterday’s blog made me horny”. If I could get a few more reviews like that, then I think I’d be very happy. Now that we got the positive out the way, what a terrible day it’s been. Not a terrible, “god people are bastards and the worlds against me” kind of way, but more of a collection of small things kind of terrible. I woke up bitten like I’ve joined an orgy, then found out everyone there is a cannibal. I managed to bite my lip twice in the same place (not as easy as my huge lips would make you think). My internet keeps going down (make your own joke here). Lastly, I stubbed my toe and the pain just won’t go away! So this blog will be all about, mildly tiny, irritating things (like your penis).

The Top Five Small but still Irritating Things:

Five: Junk Mail. I think that’s pretty much with everyone. The amount of penis enlargement emails I get is starting to make me feel insecure. Especially seeing as though they are being sent by my ex (they aren’t, trust me…She has no internet where she is *sharp violin sound*. That place being home, her internet provider is horrible).

Four: Treading on lego or turned up plug sockets. No explanation to why because well, I think we all know why.

Three: People who point a lot. I know that’s really strange but I just, can’t stand it. If it’s necessary for you to point, maybe you’re giving a direction, that’s fine. But if you’re mid conversation and you point at the person! Three or four times in the space of half an hour is fine, but if you do it for emphasis after every sentence, GFY.

Two: White women, Kidding. People who misuse the word “irony”. I have found that the new hipster thing to do is to be witty and ironic. I haven’t put hipsters because I enjoy it when they try to be witty, it makes me laugh, not in the way they wanted, but it’s still funny. I genuinely read a facebook status (my favourite place to go for bullshit) “Just ate a snickers bar, irony!”, it wasn’t a joke, it was genuine, and people liked it. The only way that would be ironic is if that snickers bar was trying to eat you!

One: When people take photos of there reflection in the bathroom of a club. There is just something really shitty about that… I actually played a game with a friend where we chose an album and guessed how many toilet photos there will be, and you get double points if they are doing the popular girl pose (so many points). There are probably loads of photos where you have just taken a number 1 or 2, hell there are photos of people taking a number 1 or 2. But, I’d rather not be able to confirm it, I like a mystery, especially one that I’m not involved in.

Summary

If one day, I get a junk email that contains a photo of a collection of girls pointing at each other while talking in a toilet with the subject title: “irony”. I’d probably go on a rampage. Then during that rampage I tread on a turned up plug socket, I will give up on the world.

Off topic quickly

I love sooty. Finding out he put Paul Daniel in the hospital for throwing a pizza at his face just makes me all warm inside. Not that I hate Paul Daniel, I just love Sooty that much and love seeing him trend on twitter for another reason other then his court case.

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Tuesday, 2 August 2011

Day Two- Procrastination and the Inappropriate Joke at Graduation

Introduction

Day 2 and already I’m slightly struggling. Before getting in a panic (well more of a slight sigh then a full blown sweaty “find the keys” panic) about whether the ideas have run dry already, they haven’t. I just don’t want to “blow my load” on the next 7 days then be forced to write about my favourite cheese or how much I find extended eye contact alluring but creepy at the same time. But again that somewhat prejudice died out as well because those topics are probably inevitable. So this blog shall be all about, procrastination.

Procrastination

I’m fantastic at it, even before I wrote this I finished about 40 starburst, even though after about 10 of them I said “this will be the last one, then I will get down to some work”. In-fact, while I’ve written this blog, I’ve taken a few breaks, watched Mock the Week and QI on youtube and thought about playing guitar, then realised it might need some effort. I’m not lazy, I’m just a bit “motivation in-sufficient”. I’d blame it on the insomnia tiring me out but I’ve always been like that depending on the day or task at hand. I’ve found out over the years that I’m terrible at doing what I’m told. I don’t burn the house down then graffiti “shit on the system” in marker pens all over town hall. I just find myself incapable of doing a good job when I have someone I don’t connect with at all breathing down my neck (there’s an incest joke here somewhere).

Verbal assault, in front of an audience.

Although, there was an exception to that in GCSE. I loved my form tutor, she was a lovely lady and taught me French, but I failed really badly at it (got an f, an f for French of course). I liked her so much, that when I was told during graduation that I would have to get on the microphone in front of about 600-900 parents/teachers and say a nice thing about her, I was very much up for it. I watched as uncharismatic (maybe they were doing deadpan style but without jokes) people read from a cue card which was no doubt written by the teacher themselves. They splurted out the most typical, boring (but appropriate no doubt) and recycled stuff about the chosen teacher. Things like “he is an inspiration”, “she has taught me things I never thought I’d understand” “he helped me get rid of the body by saying I should feed them to pigs”. Made me think, the naughty ones had no hand in thinking of things to say.

It got to my turn, I lined up as people received there certificates to say they’ve managed to live in Canons High School for 4 years. I was slightly nervous and I debated what I should say. “Should I go with the recycled stuff discussed earlier or shall I just go with, what I just thought of, planned or improvised, planned or improvised”. I went with improvised. So 600-900 people watched me say with relative calm and swagger “Yeah Miss Grainger is a fantastic teacher, and if I was 30 years older, thwa…”. Luckily they all laughed and clapped which was fantastic because if they were silent I’d be on a register of some sort. She wasn’t creeped out either just very red, either from embarrassment or shame that a somewhat presumably sensible student (which was a bit rare in my school) had just proclaimed to the parents of the school that he’d do her if he was 46. Best thing about it was she didn’t hit me, she just said “30 years older?”, not that I’m saying I had a chance, at all. She probably wanted to headbutt me for what I had caused, because she wasn’t very much into being talked about one on one, let alone becoming a victim of verbal sexual assault in front of an audience of 600+.

Summary

Well I guess this is a really good advertisement for my blog, I go to try and talk about a subject as important as procrastination and I side track into a story about being me being a dickhoop. And I changed the teachers name of course! Don’t want to make her anymore embarrassed then she was. But if you were there you’d know the name and the somewhat bewildered looks of some of my class mates! I’ve been saying this for about 3-4 years now, if anyone videoed that and the “talk” Sahil and I did I’d be eternally grateful. My mum tried to video it but she got shakey hand syndrome which was then followed with the thought of “I’m sure Sean would only want to watch the first five minutes of this anyway”. I forgive her though, mums are awesome.

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