Day Seven- Microsoft at the Wrong Time, Word

Introduction

So I’m quarter of the way through!I’ve enjoyed it more then I thought I would, which is always a nice thing to happen. But, the more I use Microsoft word, the more I realise it really is as stupid as some people say. No wonder the paper clip guy has been in rehab so many times! It does the green line under a sentence and then its suggestion would make it look like it was my first attempt at the English language. If you are too young to remember the paperclip then you’re not welcome on my blog (not kidding! OK I’m kidding). Although, I have had loads of instances of when my spelling of a word has been so bad that Word can’t even think of any examples to what I was attempting to spell.

What Makes blogs Irritating

I think the title goes with writing in general on a computer (if you have seen my actual writing with a pen, you’d understand why I use a computer).

Having mental block on a deadline is really annoying, I’ve been trying to fire these out between a 5-7 window but that hasn’t worked at all.

Having conflicting ideas and trying to avoid causing outrage is another thing that I hate, especially when you have writing block. I literally just had to get rid of doing a blog about riots because I tried to understand it from all angles, but having that approach really punts you in the Perineum. I’m all up for a bit of a challenge, but not one that makes me as angry as some of the rioters. Also if I wasn’t annoyed enough from writing a page and a half of conflicting views only to realise that it’s better off forgetting about it, Microsoft word  then decides to delete letters that are in front of a word I’m trying to retype. So this is going to be a bit of a short blog to avoid me dropkicking my laptop out of a window. It keeps coming and going as well which makes me think “oh yay now I can actually edit my mistakes without losing everything” only to then do it blindly and not realise that I’ve lost about three sentences from a séance type ramble. I’m not even going to risk inserting bracket jokes because if it happens again then I’m going to punch a whale in the urethra.

Don’t want to write, so let’s do a Podcast

Don’t get me wrong, I loved doing the podcast yesterday, it was a ton of fun and it gave an opportunity for my brother to showcase his speaking talent some more (even though about 50minutes of it was me). A reason for doing it was that I didn’t want to write because sometimes it takes ages, completely forgetting how long it takes for a podcast to be done properly! The podcast was 1h 5minutes long, I then had to listen to

it two more times to edit it down and get rid of the truly offensive parts. I then spent an hour and a half setting up a profile on a hosting side and scratching my eyes out with a mars bar because of the hubbub caused from the offer of having it available on itunes, to which I still haven’t sorted! All in all, I started the podcast at 2pm and finished (minus the itunes) at 11:30pm.

Summary

Microsoft Word, GFY. Oh and you see that new illustration for my blog? It was done by Daniel, how fantastic is it! I actually thought about how sexy my blogspot site is looking, very happy! It’s all coming together!

Twitter

www.twitter.com/seanjosephyoung

Tumblr

www.themetaphoricalbeard.tumblr.com

Blogspot

www.themetaphoricalbeard.blogspot.com

Day Six- First Podcast (Very Very Proud)

Introduction
Ridiculously proud, really really am! I've always wanted to get back into doing podcasts but had lost the nerve to do it. But now thanks to this blog, i've grown in confidence a little more and have managed to do a 1h podcast with Daniel. Anyway, enough of the talking, the podcast can be located below, thank you so much and enjoy. Also because of its length, i suggest you take breaks in between or if you do manage to listen to it in one sitting, well done! I didn't (I did, three times for editing purposes!)

Will be available on Itunes tomorrow! Hopefully

Podcast!
http://themetaphoricalbeard.podomatic.com/entry/2011-08-06T13_18_57-07_00

Twitter

www.twitter.com/seanjosephyoung

Tumblr

www.themetaphoricalbeard.tumblr.com

Blogspot

www.themetaphoricalbeard.blogspot.com

My brother's work on Tumblr
www.reureuillustration.tumblr.com/

Day Five- Zombie Apocapricks

Introduction

I have no idea what I’m going to write about today. That’s the problem with saving up ideas, it’s a bit like saving up beans for the apocalypse in the sense that I wouldn’t mind having the beans now. And on that note, I think I’ve just found a topic, ikea. I mean, zombies.

Stop Wishing for it, Start Preparing for it

It’s kind of funny listening to people talk about how much they want a zombie apocalypse. Have we really got that boring that they see the best way to live life is for everyone else to be brain dead zombies (or has that already happened? Eat that society, eat that in the shins…Don’t actually think that, just in case people start presuming, got I hate people who live on presumptions, tossers. As much as I quite like being alone for some thinking time and recharging, I tend to really miss people within a few days. I’d probably have to tie up a few of my favourite friends in the basement, oh and also if they were zombies as well… Although if they were zombies I doubt I’d get the full satisfaction that is their magnificent words (I would of said banter, but arse holes seem to of ruined that word by claiming it as an excuse to be a tosser. Tosser is my new favourite word by the way. It has a ring to it).

The idea of killing zombies with a spade would probably be kind of cool and you get to do what you want within the world. Well I used to think that, till I started reading The Road by Cormac Mccarthy. Wow is that a heavy book. It’s not necessarily got zombies in it and I don’t want to ruin it for anyone (even though it did ruin the idea of zombie apocalypses for me so it would deserve it). Without ruining it for anyone, it’s about a man and a boy trying to cope in a post apocalyptic society. It really does highlight the crushing reality that would be life without things we take for granted, like Soleros and Capri sun. But knowing that, I’m going to still have fun quick and tell all you lucky three people about my zombie plan!

Weapon: Edward Scissor Hands hands? And a sniper, no bullets though. I probably wouldn’t use both of them at the same time, it’d be a little bit difficult.

Place: Would have to be Costco! I’d live for about 30 years in there, enough time to grow a beard anyway.

Plan: I’d save people but I’d definitely be the guy to shoot the recently infected ones, sorry but I’m not risking it! Then if there were millions of zombies, I’d destroy myself in a contained explosion (concocted from the stacks of dynamite made available in Costco) to save people, that’s quite heroic right? Either that or if there was only 3 seats in the escape car, I’d sit on the weakest one. Not to save myself but to save my wonderful beard to which would then be found to be the cure to the zombie outbreak.

Summary

Hey Zombie! GFY! Also, I may have caused a little bit of an issue with the blog yesterday, so there could be a video with me talking about similar issues to certain people in the near future. I’m not going to apologise though, I’m way too good at guitar hero for that.

Twitter

www.twitter.com/seanjosephyoung

Tumblr

www.themetaphoricalbeard.tumblr.com

Blogspot

www.themetaphoricalbeard.blogspot.com

Day Two- Procrastination and the Inappropriate Joke at Graduation

Introduction

Day 2 and already I’m slightly struggling. Before getting in a panic (well more of a slight sigh then a full blown sweaty “find the keys” panic) about whether the ideas have run dry already, they haven’t. I just don’t want to “blow my load” on the next 7 days then be forced to write about my favourite cheese or how much I find extended eye contact alluring but creepy at the same time. But again that somewhat prejudice died out as well because those topics are probably inevitable. So this blog shall be all about, procrastination.

Procrastination

I’m fantastic at it, even before I wrote this I finished about 40 starburst, even though after about 10 of them I said “this will be the last one, then I will get down to some work”. In-fact, while I’ve written this blog, I’ve taken a few breaks, watched Mock the Week and QI on youtube and thought about playing guitar, then realised it might need some effort. I’m not lazy, I’m just a bit “motivation in-sufficient”. I’d blame it on the insomnia tiring me out but I’ve always been like that depending on the day or task at hand. I’ve found out over the years that I’m terrible at doing what I’m told. I don’t burn the house down then graffiti “shit on the system” in marker pens all over town hall. I just find myself incapable of doing a good job when I have someone I don’t connect with at all breathing down my neck (there’s an incest joke here somewhere).

Verbal assault, in front of an audience.

Although, there was an exception to that in GCSE. I loved my form tutor, she was a lovely lady and taught me French, but I failed really badly at it (got an f, an f for French of course). I liked her so much, that when I was told during graduation that I would have to get on the microphone in front of about 600-900 parents/teachers and say a nice thing about her, I was very much up for it. I watched as uncharismatic (maybe they were doing deadpan style but without jokes) people read from a cue card which was no doubt written by the teacher themselves. They splurted out the most typical, boring (but appropriate no doubt) and recycled stuff about the chosen teacher.  Things like “he is an inspiration”, “she has taught me things I never thought I’d understand” “he helped me get rid of the body by saying I should feed them to pigs”. Made me think, the naughty ones had no hand in thinking of things to say. 

It got to my turn, I lined up as people received there certificates to say they’ve managed to live in Canons High School for 4 years. I was slightly nervous and I debated what I should say. “Should I go with the recycled stuff discussed earlier or shall I just go with, what I just thought of, planned or improvised, planned or improvised”. I went with improvised. So 600-900 people watched me say with relative calm and swagger “Yeah Miss Grainger is a fantastic teacher, and if I was 30 years older, thwa…”. Luckily they all laughed and clapped which was fantastic because if they were silent I’d be on a register of some sort. She wasn’t creeped out either just very red, either from embarrassment or shame that a somewhat presumably sensible student (which was a bit rare in my school) had just proclaimed to the parents of the school that he’d do her if he was 46. Best thing about it was she didn’t hit me, she just said “30 years older?”, not that I’m saying I had a chance, at all. She probably wanted to headbutt me for what I had caused, because she wasn’t very much into being talked about one on one, let alone becoming a victim of verbal sexual assault in front of an audience of 600+.

Summary

Well I guess this is a really good advertisement for my blog, I go to try and talk about a subject as important as procrastination and I side track into a story about being me being a dickhoop. And I changed the teachers name of course! Don’t want to make her anymore embarrassed then she was. But if you were there you’d know the name and the somewhat bewildered looks of some of my class mates! I’ve been saying this for about 3-4 years now, if anyone videoed that and the “talk” Sahil and I did I’d be eternally grateful. My mum tried to video it but she got shakey hand syndrome which was then followed with the thought of “I’m sure Sean would only want to watch the first five minutes of this anyway”. I forgive her though, mums are awesome.

Twitter

www.twitter.com/seanjosephyoung

Tumblr

www.themetaphoricalbeard.tumblr.com

Blogspot

www.themetaphoricalbeard.blogspot.com