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Monday, 15 August 2011

Day Fourteen- Top Five Things i've Read/Seen on Facebook

Introduction

This is going to be a fairly short one as I have a lot to do, got a casting for Disney tomorrow so I have to learn lines, learn a song and try to not swear as much. Also I have yesterdays podcast to do as we were doing it yesterday but I completely crashed on it so expect similar today cause I am so ridiculously tired. These are the top five things I’ve read on facebook.

Top Five Things I’ve Read/Seen on Facebook.

Five: Basmati rice

During the lootings, a lot of things were stolen, nothing more ridiculous then just grabbing basmati rice (tesco brand aswell!). He then posted it up on facebook, made it his facebook profile and then made a like group. Obviously he was a man of great humour. To which apparently he has now been prosecuted.

Four: Photoshop Belly Error

This one wasn’t even on the “top ten photoshopped photos” like group as it actually had a friend I won’t name on it. It was her in a bikini except she has used the healing brush on her sides to make her look skinny. It all looked fine except the straight line that the side of the cupboard should have been taking. Could not stop laughing and then I felt really bad, but still laughed anyway, I wonder if she knows? No-one has commented on it and I don’t think I will either, but umm if you’re reading this, change it before someone notices and makes a joke at your expense on a blog or something. And you’re an awesome lady and don’t need the healing brush for anything (good save! Thank you Terry).

Three: Doctor Who Moron

Friend of mine was talking about Doctor Who on his status with a couple of people. They mentioned that the title for the new episode is “Killing Hitler”. Then someone intervines on the conversation and says “I thought Hitler was already dead? :S”. Idiot.

Two: I’m a Super Model

For a few months a girl on my friends facebook was boasting that she is a super model and that she is going to do a photoshoot in May. May comes along, she boasts that she has now done the photoshoot and she can’t wait for the photos to be available. July comes along and she posts them all, she was dead proud and constantly said she was the best person the photographer has ever worked for and that she was now a super model. She even started being really pretentious and arrogant on other peoples photos, always trying to drop in her new catchphrase which was “being a super model”. The thing is, they were all done by a company, a company that you pay huge amounts to too photograph you, which I’m so totally sure all super models would do! Right? Funny thing is, the photos she’s been tagged in lately is her in a Matalan uniform.

One: Church Picture

Found this one today! On facebook they have a feature when they show the picture of your friends newly acquired friends. One of them was of a girl with hardly anything on. I clicked the photo to see whats gwaning, it was quite a slutty photo of a girl with just a bra on sitting outside a church. She wasn’t the greatest looking but she gained my admiration for effort anyway. But this isn’t the really funny but awkward thing, below it, the mother of the girl had wrote a comment saying “19 years ago my husband and I got married at that church, this is what we produced”. Now that could either go two ways, either she is ashamed of that girl for the photo, or she is super proud. You make a choice about what emotions that makes you feel! Mine’s a little creeped out if it’s the latter.

Summary

Need some stand up material when you’re ill, facebook it. Shortest summary ever!!

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Tuesday, 9 August 2011

Day Nine- Over Exaggeration

Introduction
Stories are the lives led, told by many. In a way it really is an inevitability to hear a story about a gig getting out of hand or a break up between two people having different stories. An example, Rhys Ifans was recently arrested at comic-con because he allegedly pushed a female security guard. One site went with, he pushed her because she wasn’t letting a member of his party in, another, and I’m not naming names (it rhymes with Da Bum) said he punched her, and I remember reading one saying “Rhy’s Ifans batters security guard because he hates America”. Some say that’s just a different side of the story, I just say you got to take what quite a lot of people say with a skip full of salt these days. This is due to the rising level of intolerance for boredom and the desire for excitement. Don’t believe me, look at the levels the media scoop down to too get what is led to believe as exciting news. As much I do love a bit of side boob, I really do not want to see it on a wedding photo of a celebrity, no matter how drunk he looks. And neither am I going to be able to admire that side boob on his voicemail!

Before you get your pants in a twist or you loosen the belt wrapped around your sock, of course people back in the day used to over exaggerate, Christopher Columbus only went to Swansea! What I’m trying to say is, over exaggeration is becoming the forefront of life because people are surrounded by so many stories of success and tragedy. Envy is bound to poke its hideous spot filled face. So much so that these people feel they want similar success and in quite a lot of cases, the tragedy!

Exaggeration in Facebook *face palm* (contains the explanation to GFY acronym)
The amount of people I’ve had to not only hide posts on facebook but also delete them (from life mwahaha) is ridiculous. All because of there incessant attention-seekingly overexaggerated posts. I have lists of examples, all of them tragedy because they are the most annoying, posted all over facebook. I’m not complaining if you posted a status because you are upset and it’s the only way you can get your voice heard, fair enough, I understand that. But if you mould the truth to make it seem a whole lot bigger and worse so the opposing person looks like an arse face and you get all the sympathy/attention because you’ve made it seem you’re the victim, go f*ck yourself. (To be honest, if you do actually manage to f*ck yourself, then you might actually have a good facebook status to put).

I’m bored of the typical shit like “OMG ALL MEN ARE THE SAME I CANT BELIVE HE DID THAT”. No Amy, not all men are the same, some of them have vaginas as well. In Spain they are called “solo pero afortunado” which means alone but lucky (innovators of the GFY crew).

“JUST GAVE MANAGERIAL TIPS TO KENNY DAGLISH, HE SHOOK MY HAND” No Kevin, you work at tk Max and you’ve never left Edgware, sit down. Anyway enough on facebook, I’ll leave that to another blog seeing as though I’ve got x amount to do over the coming weeks.

Understanding a problem but fear of ridicule
Over exaggeration is comprehensible if you want people to understand a problem, but you don’t want to be ridiculed for your sensitivity towards the matter. But I truly do believe it’s a downward spiral.

Close to the knuckle count down (they get more serious and dark the higher the number)

ONE: the more you over exaggerate the more you start to believe the situation is worse then it seems. If you constantly tell yourself “OMG I’m never going to see my friends again cause they live so far away and they hate me and a few of them are going to Jurassic Park” then you will start to believe it and it will get you down. Also, if you start complaining about something similar to a friend, then a week later your friend finds out that you’re seeing your pals on Friday because Jurassic Park wasn’t actually as far away as you made yourself believe, then they are going to start getting tired of your shit. Especially if the friend has spent an hour chatting to you saying “ don’t be sad, I’m sure you will see them soon”, not that I’m speaking from personal experience.

TWO: People who here the actual truth, followed with hard proof of the situation you have over exaggerated, will start calling you a liar liar pants on fire, or a variation involving swear words. Or sign language if your hearing impaired and they are very dedicated to getting there point across.

THREE: You want a good story that won’t bite you in the anoose? Tell a truthful and realistic one. Yeah you could tell an over exaggerated story that involves explosions, drugs, the police and nipples (or whatever variation) and yeah people might actually be interested in your self-convinced “eventful life”. But are they interested in you? Hell no, they are interested in the brand your creating of yourself. If they then go out with you expecting a Skins meets Harry Potter and Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas kind of night, only to find out you can’t drink alcohol, you’re inadequate with a wand and you can’t have an extra slice of space cake because your mum is scared that you will gain diabetes, they’ll possibly be slightly disappointed.

FOUR: Be you, who really cares if you’re boring or you’re not crazy or you can’t beat a friends story to impress or garner there love and attention. Isn’t the fact that you’re alive enough? Isn’t the beauty of capability, whether it be small or large, enough? Yeah I understand a story consisting of I breathed in then I breathed out” might not thrill you. But don’t twist that story into “I breathed in, then my suicidal tendencies to which I have gained because a friend of mine garnered so much attention from her attempt kicked in, then I fainted and through the powers to which my cheating ex couldn’t understand, even though he left me because of my whoreish behaviour, jumped in and miraculously, I breathed out”. First of all, you don’t even have a friend who attempted anything of the sort so stop telling yourself that you sick bizarre puppy! And if you faint because you held your breathe in for so long, it shows that you’re an idiot and the fantastic power of instinct jumped in. Who the hell needs the friends that will come with over-exaggeration, they are empty vessels that you will eventually become, with the more lies you cocoon yourself in to stay away from the crushing reality that monotony is part of life. Even Hayley Williams or Samuel L Jackson have dull days!

Summary
Tragedy is nothing to want, it’s a destroyer of man. If you’re over exaggeration is a cover up for your insecurity, because you don’t think you have amounted to anything. Then go and amount to something instead of making people think you have. You won’t believe what you are capable of, with a little bit of drive and perseverance.

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Monday, 8 August 2011

Day Eight- Riots?

Looting “Riots”

Anyone who is currently looting, causing a problem, smashing and burning down peoples livelihoods/businesses in the London riots are arse holes. If you don’t want to read more then just that sentence probably is enough.

Lets go through the reasons to why they might be doing it.

Mark Duggan

Poor bloke was killed by police officers (although he apparently was holding a replica gun at the time). Among a community that already feels they are being targeted by police, they become incredibly disgruntled over the news. This in turn causes a PEACE protest at the station, what followed was of course all over the news. Anyone using this as an excuse in Tottenham has a slight warrant too (on that day, maybe), but there is still no excuse to destroy local businesses, burn down homes and cause grief to residents. But doing that in the name of Mark Duggan in Enfield/Barnet/Hackney/Lewisham/Islington!? No! That is absolute bull shit, they are only using that as a reason to cause criminal damage and havoc. Even the family of Mark Duggan have come out saying that they do not condone these atrocities, so this was definitely not the reason to what has happened/is happening.

“X” Targeting

That is ridiculous as well, even those who have admitted to feeling targeted by police are not condoning these acts of criminality at all. In fact, this is making the situation a whole lot worse, not just for those who feel racially targeted, but also too “youths” and anyone who wears a hoodie. People talked about how England was a big brother society at the moment, imagine what its going to be like after this is all said and done!

As much as I hear friends of mine complain about how they are targeted and stereotyped because of there colour of skin or how they dress, they would never do any sort of thing like smash things up and destroy peoples livelihoods. It’d be a bit like punching someone in the face because they refuse to believe you’re a man of peace. I’ve seen a few twitter statuses blaming “the blacks and asians”, which is wrong, every race is getting involved so enough of that crap!

Social websites

No, just no. Funny thing is, where I found out that MPs are blaming twitter and facebook for the riots was actually on twitter.

Oppression

Some may say “yeah it’s because we are being oppressed”. Look at Egypt, that was oppression and they have justification for fighting back. But is Ladbrokes really oppressing you enough that you smash the windows and loot the place, is JD sports the evil dictator? Are the people living in the areas that are targeted, trying to live a normal life, the reason for your anguish? No there not. If you feel that the police are causing you problems, that the government aren’t helping you, don’t go ahead and punish those who have nothing to do with it to “prove a point”. We’ve moved on from that mentality. Yes life can be a cruel mistress but there are other ways to express your pain and what we are seeing at the moment, isn’t one of them.

Summary

They have potentially fucked everything up for a lot of people. There is going to be so much stereotyping and hate for the “youths” of today now.

There really isn’t a statement worth making in the UK for the people responsible to cling on to. This has lost all other plausible reasoning other then the profiteering through criminality.

The hate train is gathering speed, the tolerant are losing tolerance and the intolerants’ veins are throbbing with anger. I don’t like jumping to conclusions or fear mongering but I’ve got to say, there will be a guaranteed backlash after all this to which we will all feel.

Chill out idea

God this has gotten me a little disgruntled, those of you who are angered but can’t really do anything other then voice your opinion on it, search laughing penguin on youtube in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1.

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Sunday, 7 August 2011

Day Seven- Microsoft at the Wrong Time, Word

Introduction

So I’m quarter of the way through!I’ve enjoyed it more then I thought I would, which is always a nice thing to happen. But, the more I use Microsoft word, the more I realise it really is as stupid as some people say. No wonder the paper clip guy has been in rehab so many times! It does the green line under a sentence and then its suggestion would make it look like it was my first attempt at the English language. If you are too young to remember the paperclip then you’re not welcome on my blog (not kidding! OK I’m kidding). Although, I have had loads of instances of when my spelling of a word has been so bad that Word can’t even think of any examples to what I was attempting to spell.

What Makes blogs Irritating

I think the title goes with writing in general on a computer (if you have seen my actual writing with a pen, you’d understand why I use a computer).

Having mental block on a deadline is really annoying, I’ve been trying to fire these out between a 5-7 window but that hasn’t worked at all.

Having conflicting ideas and trying to avoid causing outrage is another thing that I hate, especially when you have writing block. I literally just had to get rid of doing a blog about riots because I tried to understand it from all angles, but having that approach really punts you in the Perineum. I’m all up for a bit of a challenge, but not one that makes me as angry as some of the rioters. Also if I wasn’t annoyed enough from writing a page and a half of conflicting views only to realise that it’s better off forgetting about it, Microsoft word then decides to delete letters that are in front of a word I’m trying to retype. So this is going to be a bit of a short blog to avoid me dropkicking my laptop out of a window. It keeps coming and going as well which makes me think “oh yay now I can actually edit my mistakes without losing everything” only to then do it blindly and not realise that I’ve lost about three sentences from a séance type ramble. I’m not even going to risk inserting bracket jokes because if it happens again then I’m going to punch a whale in the urethra.

Don’t want to write, so let’s do a Podcast

Don’t get me wrong, I loved doing the podcast yesterday, it was a ton of fun and it gave an opportunity for my brother to showcase his speaking talent some more (even though about 50minutes of it was me). A reason for doing it was that I didn’t want to write because sometimes it takes ages, completely forgetting how long it takes for a podcast to be done properly! The podcast was 1h 5minutes long, I then had to listen to

it two more times to edit it down and get rid of the truly offensive parts. I then spent an hour and a half setting up a profile on a hosting side and scratching my eyes out with a mars bar because of the hubbub caused from the offer of having it available on itunes, to which I still haven’t sorted! All in all, I started the podcast at 2pm and finished (minus the itunes) at 11:30pm.

Summary

Microsoft Word, GFY. Oh and you see that new illustration for my blog? It was done by Daniel, how fantastic is it! I actually thought about how sexy my blogspot site is looking, very happy! It’s all coming together!

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Saturday, 6 August 2011

Day Six- First Podcast (Very Very Proud)

Introduction
Ridiculously proud, really really am! I've always wanted to get back into doing podcasts but had lost the nerve to do it. But now thanks to this blog, i've grown in confidence a little more and have managed to do a 1h podcast with Daniel. Anyway, enough of the talking, the podcast can be located below, thank you so much and enjoy. Also because of its length, i suggest you take breaks in between or if you do manage to listen to it in one sitting, well done! I didn't (I did, three times for editing purposes!)

Will be available on Itunes tomorrow! Hopefully

Podcast!
http://themetaphoricalbeard.podomatic.com/entry/2011-08-06T13_18_57-07_00

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www.reureuillustration.tumblr.com/

Friday, 5 August 2011

Day Five- Zombie Apocapricks

Introduction

I have no idea what I’m going to write about today. That’s the problem with saving up ideas, it’s a bit like saving up beans for the apocalypse in the sense that I wouldn’t mind having the beans now. And on that note, I think I’ve just found a topic, ikea. I mean, zombies.

Stop Wishing for it, Start Preparing for it

It’s kind of funny listening to people talk about how much they want a zombie apocalypse. Have we really got that boring that they see the best way to live life is for everyone else to be brain dead zombies (or has that already happened? Eat that society, eat that in the shins…Don’t actually think that, just in case people start presuming, got I hate people who live on presumptions, tossers. As much as I quite like being alone for some thinking time and recharging, I tend to really miss people within a few days. I’d probably have to tie up a few of my favourite friends in the basement, oh and also if they were zombies as well… Although if they were zombies I doubt I’d get the full satisfaction that is their magnificent words (I would of said banter, but arse holes seem to of ruined that word by claiming it as an excuse to be a tosser. Tosser is my new favourite word by the way. It has a ring to it).

The idea of killing zombies with a spade would probably be kind of cool and you get to do what you want within the world. Well I used to think that, till I started reading The Road by Cormac Mccarthy. Wow is that a heavy book. It’s not necessarily got zombies in it and I don’t want to ruin it for anyone (even though it did ruin the idea of zombie apocalypses for me so it would deserve it). Without ruining it for anyone, it’s about a man and a boy trying to cope in a post apocalyptic society. It really does highlight the crushing reality that would be life without things we take for granted, like Soleros and Capri sun. But knowing that, I’m going to still have fun quick and tell all you lucky three people about my zombie plan!

Weapon: Edward Scissor Hands hands? And a sniper, no bullets though. I probably wouldn’t use both of them at the same time, it’d be a little bit difficult.

Place: Would have to be Costco! I’d live for about 30 years in there, enough time to grow a beard anyway.

Plan: I’d save people but I’d definitely be the guy to shoot the recently infected ones, sorry but I’m not risking it! Then if there were millions of zombies, I’d destroy myself in a contained explosion (concocted from the stacks of dynamite made available in Costco) to save people, that’s quite heroic right? Either that or if there was only 3 seats in the escape car, I’d sit on the weakest one. Not to save myself but to save my wonderful beard to which would then be found to be the cure to the zombie outbreak.

Summary

Hey Zombie! GFY! Also, I may have caused a little bit of an issue with the blog yesterday, so there could be a video with me talking about similar issues to certain people in the near future. I’m not going to apologise though, I’m way too good at guitar hero for that.

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Thursday, 4 August 2011

Day Four- Ignorant/Narrow Minded People (It does get a little serious)

Introduction

I think you truly have lost a part of your soul if you find yourself shouting at your computer because of someone’s narrow minded/ignorant perspective. Deep I know. But, anyone who connects David and Victoria Beckham’s recent odd choice of baby name (Harper Seven) to “the impending inevitability of illegal immigrants stealing the tax payers job” (their words not mine) has something wrong with them. So, this will be a blog about the narrow minded views shown by the ignorant. The start of comedic gold, right?

Small scale (Crohns disease?! Pfft, Scone’s ma Knees)

I’m going to start small, and I will work my way up (like my wife! Whatever that means, I think I’m saying she’s a dwarf making her way up a step ladder?). An example of this that I know about was a situation involving a friend of mine with the same disease as me (Crohn’s Disease, ladies form a cue). He was asked "what is Crohn’s Disease?" He tries to answer but a person (we will call her a willy) said “It’s just when you shit a lot” (and she wasn’t joking, I would of let her off is she was). Now don’t get me wrong, it is part of it that many are inflicted with, but there is so much more to it then that. Crohn’s Disease is the inflammation of the bow. It can cause severe pain, make you have some of your intestines cut out and replaced with a colostomy bag and enhances the chances of getting other things too depressing to mention. Not a fun disease. The person she said it to, has it so much worse then me, the poor bloke has to get ion infusions and injects’ himself every two weeks along with being on pills. What she said was ignorant, to dismiss a disease with just a single belief of her own because of her (un)education on the matter. But this is a smaller scale example, not anything worth getting upset about.

I understand that people may not know a lot about Crohns Disease, and I will be doing a blog about it and my experience with coping and that one day.

Larger Scale (Obamainator baby)

An example of this in a larger scale (it truly is about 100x as worse as saying “you just shit a lot”). During the 2008 presidential campaign involving Barack Obama and John Mccain, a number of interviews took place at a rally for the Republican Party. A news team went over and asked members of the rally to why they oppose Obama, I’m not going to say what they said, but I will put the link below. Watch it..

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zRqcfqiXCX0

Now, that is narrow minded on a big scale. Fair enough if you understand the other side but you prefer playing for the other team, that’s fine. I’m all up for free will and democracy. But being fed lies that only take a little bit of common sense to realise that they might be wrong, or they might have been a victim of Chinese whispers, that’s not OK. The passion to which they spoke their preposterous and slanderous thoughts is worrying. To think Sarah Palin could gain any power from the 2012 election or anyone with a similar viewpoint because of these people is alarming. The same as any ill educated arse chief who wants' there views heard could then herd up a collection of other ill educated sheep and cause mischief in any country. Also, the name of the youtube video really does say misconception, but hey! Misconception has the word concept in it, concept being an idea, which in turn is a theory! Let’s go with this theory, and keep it a theory! We don’t want the disgusting omnipotence of fact creeping into our minds!

It’s these things that get me down. But I genuinely believe these “free-will hating freedom fighters” are a minority in most civilised countries. There are plenty of over cases that I could discuss and might do over the month, but I just thought I’d choose something old and incredibly obvious to avoid writing millions of words.

Also on a lighter note, Sarah Palin really does show the power of being a pretty woman doesn’t she? If she was a man and revealed she shot bears in Alaska and named her son Track because she likes running, you’d think she was a bit of a nutter. There is another video where people turned up to her book signing, they were then asked opinions on her. They were great with the adjectives but not on her actual policies. Infact, it kind of made it seem they had no clue what they were talking about when it came to the actual important stuff, but hey, that's just my opinion. Link is down below.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=27QTX46XNLM&feature=related

Also, doesn’t the guy who says Obama is a wolf wearing the jacket of a sheep and the shoes of a rapist look a lot like Eli from There Will be Blood?!

Summary

I understand if people would rather stay ignorant because they are scared of what would happen if they open there eyes. I do that on a small scale when the light reflects on my cup of water and I see dust and hair in it, I just deny its existence and drink it. But sometimes you got to step out of your comfort zone and really learn about what’s on the other side. Try to acknowledge that you’re actually drinking from a very dirty cup. Draw your own painting instead of getting someone else’s tattooed, it’s so much easier to edit that way.

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Wednesday, 3 August 2011

Day Three- Top Five Small but Irritating Things

Introduction

Had a few good things said about my blogs so far! No doubt the highlight being “yesterday’s blog made me horny”. If I could get a few more reviews like that, then I think I’d be very happy. Now that we got the positive out the way, what a terrible day it’s been. Not a terrible, “god people are bastards and the worlds against me” kind of way, but more of a collection of small things kind of terrible. I woke up bitten like I’ve joined an orgy, then found out everyone there is a cannibal. I managed to bite my lip twice in the same place (not as easy as my huge lips would make you think). My internet keeps going down (make your own joke here). Lastly, I stubbed my toe and the pain just won’t go away! So this blog will be all about, mildly tiny, irritating things (like your penis).

The Top Five Small but still Irritating Things:

Five: Junk Mail. I think that’s pretty much with everyone. The amount of penis enlargement emails I get is starting to make me feel insecure. Especially seeing as though they are being sent by my ex (they aren’t, trust me…She has no internet where she is *sharp violin sound*. That place being home, her internet provider is horrible).

Four: Treading on lego or turned up plug sockets. No explanation to why because well, I think we all know why.

Three: People who point a lot. I know that’s really strange but I just, can’t stand it. If it’s necessary for you to point, maybe you’re giving a direction, that’s fine. But if you’re mid conversation and you point at the person! Three or four times in the space of half an hour is fine, but if you do it for emphasis after every sentence, GFY.

Two: White women, Kidding. People who misuse the word “irony”. I have found that the new hipster thing to do is to be witty and ironic. I haven’t put hipsters because I enjoy it when they try to be witty, it makes me laugh, not in the way they wanted, but it’s still funny. I genuinely read a facebook status (my favourite place to go for bullshit) “Just ate a snickers bar, irony!”, it wasn’t a joke, it was genuine, and people liked it. The only way that would be ironic is if that snickers bar was trying to eat you!

One: When people take photos of there reflection in the bathroom of a club. There is just something really shitty about that… I actually played a game with a friend where we chose an album and guessed how many toilet photos there will be, and you get double points if they are doing the popular girl pose (so many points). There are probably loads of photos where you have just taken a number 1 or 2, hell there are photos of people taking a number 1 or 2. But, I’d rather not be able to confirm it, I like a mystery, especially one that I’m not involved in.

Summary

If one day, I get a junk email that contains a photo of a collection of girls pointing at each other while talking in a toilet with the subject title: “irony”. I’d probably go on a rampage. Then during that rampage I tread on a turned up plug socket, I will give up on the world.

Off topic quickly

I love sooty. Finding out he put Paul Daniel in the hospital for throwing a pizza at his face just makes me all warm inside. Not that I hate Paul Daniel, I just love Sooty that much and love seeing him trend on twitter for another reason other then his court case.

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Monday, 1 August 2011

Day One-Why are you doing this to yourself?

Introduction

The next month will be a very raw and semi-open (hehe hehe he said semi) me. I will be hitting up a range of subjects or just talking about what I’ve been getting up to. I apologise now if you find what I say offensive, content wise or grammar wise.

Why the Meta(phorical) beard?

First things first, welcome, you beautiful people you. I’ll get the obvious questions out the way first, why are you doing this? And why is it called The Meta(phorical) Beard? Well Meta meaning to explain something about something explaining something, an example of this is: Doing an essay about an essay. Then adding phorical to create metaphorical, then adding beard equals: A metaphorical beard. This is simpler, it’s because I like beards, but can’t grow one.

First Reason

The main reason why I’m doing this is because I hate it, very English I know, to do something you hate (insert wife joke here). I can’t stand the idea that people will know me more, as weird as that sounds. Fair enough if the people I adore know a huge amount about me, that’s fine, I love and trust them. But people I don’t really know? GFY. And with this I feel as if I’m losing out on an instinctual human act, the act of relation. Relation being, I relate to that, I agree with you, or I disagree with you but you’re so handsome that I forgive you and still love you for it. It’s a way of reaching out, getting my name about, creating new friendships, new relationships, new people (if you know what I mean). It’s something, an introverted socialite like myself, needs but fears at the same time. It’s a necessity in my line of work as well, no-one has ever hired an actor who never does the things he hates.

Second Reason

Second reason being, I am an opinionated person, but when given an issue to which warrants an opinion, I create one on the spot. So it’s less of an opinion and more an improvised idea. An example of this is: When I was asked, what age were you the happiest? I went with 9, why? Cause the person asking smelt like tobasco sauce and I had a very itchy foot. Looking back at it, what I remember of being 9 kind of sucked. My birthday party was at Wacky Warehouse (blut blut sir). That’s great, but on that day I went down the slide a little bit too fast and torpedoed myself down to the bottom of the ball pit. I don’t know if you’ve ever drowned in a place where you can breathe. Didn’t find it a thrilling adventure (I was going to say, have you ever drowned in a sea of balls but I thought that’d be a bit too inappropriate for my first blog, slow and steady, slow and steady). So this blog is giving me the chance to gain an actual thought-out opinion on stuff. Whether you agree with my opinions or not is fine, just don’t smell like tobasco sauce. Don’t be that guy.

Self-indulgent Sparta kick

Over the course of the month prior, I’ve relayed the idea to a few friends, there worse idea was the following: I was told by someone who will remain unnamed (in fact, everyone I may or may not talk about over the month will remain anonymous) said I should actually try doing a self indulgent facebook status as practice. The closest I got was “Would it be ok to Sparta Kick a screaming 15 year old off a trampoline”. That does reveal I just can’t do it (also it was posted through my twitter account with is @seanjosephyoung, shameless plug I know). Or, it show’s how I cope with things, by Sparta kicking. “A bug was on my door so I SPARTA KICKED IT” “I can’t play the piano properly so I SPARTA KICKED IT” “Grandma was going down the stairs a bit too slow for my liking…”.

This is a huge stretch for me to do one, let alone thirty-one of these, so bare with me if the next few are a little ropey (whatever the fudge that means). I will also be trying to do little videos/voice recording to really test my tolerance levels (it’s like a necessary evil for me now) which will probably be instead of a whole lot of writing. So if you got an opinion and/or you want to plug something, get in contact.

This is the Sparta kick, just in case you had no clue what i mean't!

Subjects I will be covering (got any ideas for more, be in touch)

Comedy

The Narrow-minded

Twitter/Facebook

Over-exaggeration

Judgement

Fake people

Media views

Along with them I’m sure I’ll think of more, along with a few life stories.

Twitter

Tumblr

Blogspot