2 Pilots 1 Episode

Introduction

Well, I know I said “I’ll be doing a blog a week at the least”. It wasn’t a lie, exactly. You see, I went on a canoe trip and for some silly reason, people thought I was dead! What are people like these days! I can’t look my sons in the eye, but still.

My 2011 was a dark time in my eyes. I guaranteed my mum not to worry about me not going to university as I had such a good 2010 (acting job wise). “It’ll surely continue” I proclaimed with hopeful vigour, it did not. I did 3 commercials in 2011. Obviously I’m grateful for being able to do 1 let alone 3, but they were so spaced apart that money was getting really short and my confidence in the arts was starting to crack. With that and a combination of other situations not connected with acting, created a whirlpool of sadness for my opinion on the year of 2011.

November-December hit and I was looking at universities and drama schools along with Open University courses. But, while doing that, I started getting a string of nice auditions and recalls which made me think “maybe 2012 won’t be so mean to Ol’ Sean”. And I was right (I’ll pay you up front Santa, you are in for one hell of a treat!).

I’ve been lucky enough to get 2 pilots and an episode of an upcoming series by Hat Trick Productions (and it’s only May!).To all who have supported me, I love you and will continue to love you. Let’s hope it all continues so I can make you all proud and then be able to give back as much as I can (Crohn’s is getting it in the face!). So here's a little bit more information on what I've been up to/going to be doing in the next few months acting wise.

BBC 3- Some Girls by Hat Trick Productions

I filmed Some Girls on random days during February-March and it was an awesome experience. The crew had a really chilled presence about them, which was matched by their friendlyness and fantastic sense of humour. If the crew became a woman, I'd date her (I couldn't put that any other way). I played a character called Jo who turns up in the last episode (really trying my best to be as unspecific as possible!). I tend to get the broody roles, so this character was a breathe of fresh air for me. He was a really awkward nerd-like dude (they made me use my actual glasses for the character, I was so upset by this definition of my own ocular face wear that I set fire to them in defiance! Should of taken them off first, but still. They got my point, viva la reveloosheon!). Expect this comedy about inner city kids to hit BBC 3 later this year!

'CB News' Pilot

I never really believed I got this until a few weeks before filming. When going into the casting and recall, I had taken the "I'm just going to have fun" approach. I do feel that specific approach is the best way to go about a casting. What's the point of doing any castings if you aren't enjoying them? (Trust me, you have to find it fun as an actor due to the fact that you will be doing hundreds of them!).

This is a BBC 3 pilot that will be going online for now. This show is by a well respected, BAFTA award winning photographer/cinematographer called Alison Jackson. If you see pretty much 3/4 of any humourous celebrity lookalike publication in the newspapers, it will usaully be done by her.

Here’s a simple but brilliant example of her previous work. What I love about this is the Wii Controller in his other hand!

My Dad thought it was just a really green background at first look.

No, I didn’t play a lookalike for Chris Hemsworth silly! I was a mock presenter that sits at a news desk with a gorgeous co-presenter lady called Pips Taylor (who did the documentary ‘I Never said Yes’ as part of the crime season on BBC 3), we then spoke as if the footage we received is real. It was a nice experience to do presenting for a change; I’m starting to think we should all get autocue for life in general!

Also, (a little bit of excitement for my own purposes) I had a lengthy conversation with Geri Dowd who was the studio director for this show and loads of huge panel/impro shows like Whose Line is it Anyway, Mock the Week, Have I Got News for You and Fast and Loose! So yes, I had a huge comedy information splurge about it all. Just so you know, when she spoke about Mark Leveson and Dan Patterson, I did say the line “well if they ever need an improviser…” in a strange voice, to hide the desperation created from the desire to be on one of their shows.

'Untitled' Pilot

I had about 4 recalls and 2 screen tests (from the span of September-March) for this before it was confirmed that I’d be playing a main called Gilbert. It’s just a pilot at the moment (which I will be going to Paris at the beginning of June to film). If all goes to plan and I remain Gilbert after the pilot (huge fingers crossed I will), then I possibly will be away in Paris for 13 weeks to film 26 episodes! What I’ve loved about this process so far is that they let me improvise, even during the second screen test. I did a scene with a character called Jack (played by Tim Lawrence) and we added about an extra 30 seconds to the scene, it was really good fun! Everyone (as clichéd as it will sound) is lovely on this, the jokes were flying about after half an hour of hanging out which is always a good sign. I’ve also been given tiny artistic licence as I’m allowed to impro a little bit on set as well. I’ll see how many euphemisms I can get in without being told off (the kids will love it, if you know what I mean). I’d really like to go into more detail about it but as I said, it’s just a pilot at the moment and even though it looks likely that it will be more then that, I’m still going to play it safe and be annoyingly unspecific as possible. Either way, incredibly grateful to be part of it!

Own Short Film "A Letter of Gratitude"

I have finally made my own short film (directed, edited and produced by Ryan T Watson. Basically, I wrote and starred in it but really I did nothing!). It’s called ‘A Letter Of Gratitude’ and it stars an upcoming talent called Wallis Day. It’s about a boyfriend’s letter to his girlfriend thanking her for putting up with him. That is what it’s about on the outline anyway, if you watch closely and follow what is being said over the narration then it’ll reveal a story within itself! It was loads of fun to do and my house looked like a genuine film set as Ryan brought lighting equipment! This will probably be available for viewing june-july time.

That's right, I gots my own sign. The artist who did this is of course my brother (Twitter @reuillustration)

I’m always looking for interested Actors/Directors//Producers/ Insert funny sounding job title like "ball cleaner" or "tally wiper"/Make up artists/Floor Runners, so if you’re interested in any way shape or form then email allseeinghorse@gmail.com with your CV and such.

Ending

Thank you to all that have been reading this and supporting me throughout the last 4 years. I can’t say how happy I am to have a really supportive set of family and friends. And to all future engagers in welcoming kindness, I thank you as well. I’ve never really been one to get all emotional/reveal any emotions but it genuinely makes me smile in knowing you guys are around. Hopefully I can do things for you and we can build a better world by finally removing the blood of the blaspheming white people off our shaking han…. I mean umm, bubble wrap for everyone! Also, I know I’m quite hard to get in contact with, I’m not used to being this busy! I go on Facebook about once a week but I’m on Twitter (Click here to take you to my Twitter, I do all the work for you because you look nice in that new t-shirt!) all the time, so find me on that if you don’t have my digitilicleases. 

Goodbye, you gorgeous thing you. 

Details on the Casting for the Short Film i'm Doing/Involved In.

Introduction

Well hello there, I said I’d throw this out on Friday but I had such a busy day and I was knackered by the time I got home so, here it is.

The Short Film

What it’s About

The short film is based on a letter sent from a boyfriend to a girlfriend thanking her for everything she has done for him. It all starts with the girlfriend coming back from a bad day, and then while in bed restless, she looks to the letter to make her feel better. The letter will act as narration spoken by the boyfriend. It then cuts to moments referred by the letter and other more subtle parts. It does mention one or two specific parts but it’s to create substance for the characters (without it being too specific that it becomes un-relatable, which is the opposite of the goal). It’s a nice little 2-4 minute script that would require the girlfriend to be able to do a naturalistic and believable performance. She won’t have lines so it will literally be all about the acting. Even though she has no lines, she is the main and will be in all of it. There is a little twist at the end because I can’t help it (it’s like a problem), but overall it’ll be a really fun project and one I can’t wait to do. Be it if all heads agree that we find the correct girl/team.

Intent/Desired effect

I wrote it as not a way of praising my girlfriend as I’m not in a relationship. I’ve wrote it with the intent of being a nice little pick me up piece that those who watch it may remember good times and be happy. That and it’s quite sweet and eloquent so even if you don’t have anything relatable to it, it’ll still give you a lift anyway. The main goal is to make people happy and smile (without it being super simple, I can’t do simple unless it’s a drawing, stickman anyone?).

Casting

So if you want in as the girlfriend then I suggest you look at the criteria below then email allseeinghorse@gmail.com. The casting WAS going to end on Monday but it’s looking like it is going to be extended for “internal reasons” to which aren’t in my control. But that’s not to think you have time, you don’t have much time. Also if you want to help out with anything then email the same email and we will take it from there. Just remember, things like this happen with cooperation. But their will be a lot more on that subject in a few months time! So check the criteria guys, if you fit it then that’d be awesome, if you know someone who does then that’d be awesome as well. Oh and one of the reasons why their isn’t major specifics is, although I do actually have a complete look in my mind, we all want to give everyone a chance and I don’t mind being proven wrong at all.

Girl

Playing age: 17-21

Height: 5ft 4- 5 ft 8 (if you’re shorter then 5 ft 4, email anyway if your playing age is defining enough)

Easy on the eye but not model like

Acting experience via camera isn't a necessity

Acting experience overall isn't required but preferred

Email allseeinghorse@gmail.com with CV, headshot and any queries

Christmas, Phil's Awesome Present and Details about the Short Film

Christmas Cheer

Mans’ need to make people happy isn’t inherently instinctual, neither is it a requirement, but in my eyes, it should be. As we all slowly get older, most of us start to turn slightly senile and resentful as past experiences scar us. I have that sort of thinking during Christmas time. Why? That’s another story and it applies with birthdays as well. But this time, it’s different. I haven’t discovered “faith” I’m afraid but I have started to really get hold of the message. What message? You say, and those of you who did are terrible people or just haven’t grasped the true nature of said holiday cheer. It is about giving, not receiving. Or to “give and not to count the cost” as those Catholics would say. I am genuinely excited about Christmas, not because I can’t wait for my gifts (although they are still very much appreciated!), but more giving the presents I have bought to the people I love. I seriously am excited about giving my brother a certain present that I saw on Amazon, I was all like “you better get that, you cracka”. The joy, whether it lasts a minute or a few days doesn’t matter, it’s knowing I made that happen (I don’t mean to brag but, I am a seriously awesome gift giver! I dress up, do a little dance and then give them the coal, or if you want to get satirical, a euro). So expect some Christmas cheer (without the religious aspect for me but that isn’t because I despise religion. I admire anything that makes a person good and obviously hate the opposite).

Phillip Dawson Appreciation Society Volume 1

Creative gift giving is sometimes hit and miss. Sometimes with presents you strive for the unique, something to be memorable and possibly folk-tale worthy. Well, breaking the running theme of telling a little story from my past that can’t really be seen in a positive light, this is a bright little praise for my friend Phil.

If you get to know me, you’d learn that I say a lot of random things. But on this day, Phil took note. I jokingly told Phil that I wanted a poster of him with his thumbs up in my room to act like a dream catcher for Christmas, Phil laughed, paused for a second and continued the conversation. And you won’t f******* believe what he’s gone and got me!?

 I couldn't put it on the top wall of my bed as it kept falling off and smashing me in the face while I attempted sleep. So I've opted to putting it facing the door to wish those who enter luck and to warn off ze Germans.

It’s going to take a lot of explaining if I get visitors, but it’ll be worth it. So I just wanted to dedicate that little section to Phil just to say thank you very much, you’re an absolute legend and your humour deserves a podium (or a stage, hmm Phil! Think about it!)

The Little Short Film (Not About Dwarves)

I’m going to be writing more about the little short film I keep tweeting about in a blog post on Friday. I’ll give you a little bit now before properly writing about it. It’s a script I’ve made and will be co-directing with some friends and acting in it as well. It'll be be shot in about a day, might be a long day just to get everything sorted but it’ll be fun and a good experience. No pay just to throw that out there (if you couldn’t have guessed). But, it would be a really good time as the script is slightly challenging for the girl being casted, they’d be pretty much the main thing for about 95% of the film and it’s all naturalistic. So if you’re a lady and you think that sounds like something you want to give a go then have a look at the casting requirements. Just to warn you, I don't have much power on the casting of it, just incase you thought I did! Deadline for cv sending is this weekend so please don't leave it to the last minute.

Girl

Playing age: 16-21
Height: 5ft 4- 5 ft 8 (if you’re shorter then 5 ft 4, email anyway if your playing age is defining enough)
Easy on the eye but not model like
Acting experience via camera isn't a necessity
Acting experience overall isn't required but preferred
Email allseeinghorse@gmail.com with CV, headshot and any queries

S2 Ep1- Name Change and a Frankie Cocozza Joke (god i'm so relevent)

Introduction

I know I know, what’s happened to the title? Well I felt that I had to change with the times and as my old title didn’t really have any serious undertones at all, I thought this new one would! “Ripping Water”, sounds like a song in the next Razorlight album doesn’t it? I felt it was quite poetic and theoretically impossible to do, which always adds to the beauty of the imagery (and it’s just quite fun to say!) I didn’t want to just name it “Sean Joseph Young’s current blog” as it sounds a bit plain. “Ripping Water” sounds quite mysterious and hasn’t got a strange joke connected to it. I’ve even tried to make a joke out of it, something under the lines of “I’m so ill, I’m ripping water”. But it isn’t funny enough to be conceived as a joke (so you’re welcome to steal it, you know who you are). I tried other titles that I hoped would have a serious undertone, but after a while I realised most of them didn’t have a serious undertone, just more of a homicide next door kind, the kind of undertone a tent at a horse event would cover up (too dark? I think you may have to get used to it I’m afraid!).

Honest Opinion

 I’ve always felt my blogs lacked something (a loving carer I guess, the current one spits in my soup), it was about ¾ fun and games and ¼ serious. I tried to balance it out when actually; I shouldn’t try to balance it at all. I should do whatever the shit I want! Obviously I’m still going to do the whole “no names” thing (unless you’ve been really bad, watch out for next blog as I give Hitler a right cheeky ribbing). If I want to throw out some honest revelations in my life to you all then I should, if I think Kirsten Stewart looks like a 13 year old boy with her hair tied back on that horse in the new Snow White trailer (which looks freaking awesome by the way, and I still would get to know Kirsten Stewarts parents. When her hairs’ down she’s freaking cute, I can overlook the 13 year old boy thing, or embrace it? Living the dream), then I’m going to say it with no paedophile jokes whatsoever (cough). Let’s just all have fun, don’t turn your nose up, just embrace it at all. Offence is choice not genetic, humour is a social thing, so come on, let’s have a metaphorical beer and smile.

Summary

Think of this name transition as Season 2 of my blogs. I got a lot to tell you guys and, as it’s going to be more irregular then Frankie Cocozza’s heartbeat, I won’t tell you an exact date. Just think of it as the good ol’ times when Christmas was just when you felt a bit generous some days, and not a set day when Jesus decided to be born’d so his big fish corporate friends could earn money from you all being forced to fake a smile and act sincere about a present you receive, not because you hate the present, but because that present was the present you gave them last year, who in turn gave the same fake smile the year previous because it was shit. Or something.

Follow me on Twitter, one of my goals was to get more followers then how many I’m currently following (I can’t help pressing the follow button on certain people, and in Twitter). As payment, every 20 people I get following me is a + on the number of hit songs titles I’m going to add onto a big old list, which I’m then going to have to try and quote during a clueless date (I’m fucked), while being video’d of course (as much as I like personal enjoyment enjoyed by the few). @seanjosephyoung

Derren Brown and a Ramble (contains a preview of my amazing artwork)

Introduction

Right, I’m about as erratic and as unreliable as possible with the dates of these blogs. I sometimes know what I’m going to write, other times I have no clue. This, I think, is going to be a bit of a ramble blog, and then I’ll tell you a little unimportant story from the Derren Brown promo. Oh and watch out for my amazing art work.

YouTube and IPhone Investigator

What tends to happen with these blogs, is that I will come on to the laptop with my mind set about what I’m going to write and then, when I get down to it, I splurge all my warmed up creative juices on things I can watch on YouTube. These videos on YouTube aren’t educational, nor do I garner any self respect from it. It’s all mostly stupid and silly videos that I hope exist. These subject headings are usually inane, nonsensical bullsquit like “badger riding Kangaroo” (that video does actually exist, but not on YouTube, it ruined my Tuesday) and “swallowing egg whole”.

On the IPhone you can search on Google, when you type something in, it saves what’s been entered so you can go back to it. I recently looked at the list I’ve created since owning this phone, and became slightly worried with how someone may see it without knowing the back story! Here’s the top four things on my Google history, on the IPhone.

Blue balls

Christopher Walken

Graphite

Migrant Workers

Yes, without knowing where it all come from, it’ll probably seem about as disturbing as a gimps basement (to be honest, it does sound like a checklist usually found in a gimps basement!). The Christopher Walken bit was to show my step dad who he was (who Christopher Walken was, my step dad wasn’t having a case of forgotten identity), as I had previously showed him The Walken Dead (you can see below) and it meant nothing to him as he had no clue who he was, which was kind of the main thing about that video. The other three was to confirm what they meant, as I never usually like to say something without knowing 100% that I’m using said word/phrase correctly! Like when I used the phrase “lets raise the flag and see who salutes” when I was 14, as a euphemism. Why? Because I was a bad ass 14 year old of course. (I didn’t actually say that, I didn’t use euphemisms then, I was too busy deciphering Einstein’s theory of relativity, that and playing Final Fantasy 7….. Mainly the latter).

Derren Brown

Well, yeah I did an advert for Derren Brown’s new show, was really awesome! Everyone was lovely which is always super nice. I’ve done things for television where I’ve hated every moment, but this time it was fun! Except the synchronised bit! Hated that so bad. They hired 20 dancers to do it with us, but they decided to have Mr 2 Left Face here to be near the front! I just couldn’t stop getting it wrong! It was simple and yet I’d either not bend my neck far enough or not move fast enough out of camera shot. Even though the lady beside me was a lovely older lady who walked slower then the younger people surrounding her. There was even one take where I forgot to take the phone out of my pocket so we had to stop and do it again, I’ve never had evils by 50 people instantaneously before, I felt kind of powerful! Yes I got a distinction in dance at college, but that was because the teacher rewarded me for taking myself completely out of my comfort zone with the strip at the showcase (little did she know). It also didn’t help when we were doing it under about 20 huge light bulbs, so everyone was feeling the heat. My face wasn’t sweating like the others, but, to put it bluntly, my area was! I had 2 pairs of jeans on because they didn’t have the right size for me, so I had to have my original jeans on underneath. It felt like I had been tea bagging lava.

I had a chance to quickly meet Derren Brown, I walked past him as he was speaking to 2 other guys. I’ve gone ahead and scripted this, with the possible inner thoughts of the great Derren Brown himself. I think this situation is an example of how I presume I’m being seemingly rude when I don’t mean to be at all (when around new people). Call it being self conscious of others accidental forced (by me) perception. I think I do this because of all the accusations of me being arrogant back in the day because I was nodding to criticism in a way they didn’t like, so since then, I’ve been really aware of what I say and how I say it. I never want people to think ill of me if I’m genuinely being nice or taking criticism on board, anyway. I’m sure his response was deliberate and not a panic button response, don’t see why it would be as I’m sure he’s dealt with stranger people while doing magic tricks on the street! (Initially had to write corridor in the scene heading, as that’s where it took place in, except I found that word such a mind frick, look at it, seriously look at it! How weird is that word!)

INT. CORRIDOR AT GREENFORD STUDIOS

SEAN enters wearing two pairs of jeans and a hoodie, this man radiates awesomeness (I’m the writer, I get to say what I want). As he plods along in the corridor, his eyes meet with magician and nice man, DERREN BROWN. DERREN is talking to two people while wearing a really nice suit. SEAN attempts a drive-by conversation.

SEAN

Alright!

DERREN

Hello mate, you OK?

Sean notices the suit, his obligations to always compliment nice fabric overrides his vocal chords.

SEAN V.O (INNER THOUGHT)

What a lovely bit of suitage

SEAN

Yeah I’m good thank you, nice suit by the way!

DERREN, taken off-guard by this sudden, badly composed compliment, responds.

DERREN V.O (INNER THOUGHT)

What?

DERREN

Thank you, yes, love your suit as well.

SEAN smiles and waves a hand as if to say “you’re too kind!” Without looking back to see DERREN’S face, leaving the ending of the drive-by to SEAN’S mind.

SEAN V.O (INNER THOUGHT)

Shit, I think he may have thought I was being sarcastic! Keep walking, avoid eye contact, warn Batman.

SEAN then, understandably, sings Holy Diver by Killswitch Engage out loud to drown out all the voices in his head, telling him to draw the guy who says “wonga” in the Envirophone adverts over the walls as a coping mechanism.

He genuinely seemed like a really nice, charismatic man. Which I always find is my first question when my friends meet famous people. I don’t like asking, is he a dick? Or did he kick off on set? Or anything like that, it’s always, “was he nice?” And then, out of my own insecurity, I ask “how tall was he/she?” So, to answer my own questions, he seemed really nice, and he was about 5 ft 8/5 ft 10? He seemed like the type of guy you’d want as a really cool uncle or wingman!

Oh and just to add, the main cast that were doing the puppet stuff with me were really nice as well and a pleasure to hang out/work with. There was one or two that I didn’t get to speak to as much even though I wanted to, but I’ve got them on Twitter now so all good (sneaky walking, social stalking, eating cabbage, swearing at Savage, it’s Twitter!!) Although, it turned out I was the only one there who hadn’t been to drama school, so I had no stories I could of bantered them with, I think I’m just going to have to deal with that for now!

Shoulder Injury

I’m going to do a short blog about this during the week. As much as I am OK which then renders it unnecessary in a way. The effort I’ve put into it makes it necessary! “What Effort??” You say! Well I tried to do a really really silly comic strip drawing which in my mind would take 10 minutes; it’s taken me 2 hours so far. This is one of the boxes. I’m as sorry as you are.

Summary

One of the more nuts blogs. Oh and I’m pretty sure I did say I have the drawing capability of an 8 year old, didn’t I?

Ah god, he's back doing Blogs again- Anti-Climax and What I'm Up To.

Introduction

Fuck the system.

Right well, look at me, I’m back doing ze blogs! Everyone happy? Not if you were/will be offended by my blogs. Which I find quite funny, seeing as though I don’t normally address a specific person in my blogs, but more the act of said “wrong-doing”. To be offended by it is to admit you’ve done it before, am I right? Anyway, so I’m back, going to be trying to do this once a week at the least, it’s something to keep the mind from letting go (No Jack no! Keep holding on, rescue will be here soon). So this blog will be about what I’ve got planned and the true way of living in a world of the anti-climax! If that doesn’t sound exciting enough, here’s some space created with the space bar                      !

I’m Sorry, I Seem to of Anti-Climaxed an Old Person on you

If you need a definition towards an anti-climax, watch England play football. Too sporty for you? Buy anything with the word “super” in it, or this blog. I live a life of the anti-climax, as an actor I go to castings for (mostly) amazing projects and then not get them. But without the slight hope or dream of getting it, there really isn’t any point of trying out for it.

Something I’ve found to be an anti-climax (to no fault of it’s own) is Twitter. I thought it’d be magnificent, as a friend of mine convinced me it’s the greatest thing in the world (which wasn’t hard to do as I was previously blown away by the invention of trampoline walls (they are just trampolines placed at an angle, but still!)).

I wouldn’t have joined the lovely world of Twitter if someone hadn’t told me it’s the greatest thing since sliced Gerbil. So imagine my dismay when it didn’t live up to the hype and was a huge anti-climax in comparative to how he was describing it. It is no where near as great as people say it is, but, I still like it. Yes, things like toast, Twitter, Colin Farrell’s acting and Sportsdirect.com can be overhyped, but they are still good enough to look at (and maybe taste? The toast anyway, Twitter would taste like girl sweat for teenage celebrities and Robbie Savage’s tears). I’ve even started using Twitter properly, with hash tags and everything, but so far I haven’t really seen a solid reason to use them, as I’m not a 1direction or Justin Beeballs fan.

It is either people are becoming fantastic promoters or I just have quite a high idea of things that’d be rated a 10/10. But it’s not like I hate everything, or think everything that has ever been made is a dirty shit-eater. It’s not like that at all, I’m very happy about most things in life, in fact, I’m a firm believer that Doritos are perfect and my fat ipod is the best Ipod I can get (on that note, R.I.P Steve Jobs).

Yes, maybe everything is an anti-climax in a way, but what would be the point of having any adventure in life if everything was perfect?

Life, Life Life Life

Talking about anti-climaxes! I’ve got a little game for you all. I recently did the promo (with other people of course) for the new Derren Brown show. According to a few of my lovely supportive friends, the advert is now live on telly, so if anyone else finds it, tell me so I can watch it on +1! (YouTube isn’t the same). But that isn’t the game! Apparently there are going to be billboards that have my face in it, if you can get a photo of one, or you pointing at one, or multiple posters in different places, or a tiny cat sunbathing on the shell of a turtle, then you will win a prize! Haven’t thought about what it is, but it will happen!

Things I’ve got planned? Well I’m going to be doing this every week, maybe every Thursday? Will see, but! Here is the news that some of you will be excited for, others would probably be a bit confused by it. I’ve recently bought the devices/software to record me playing video games (stay with me, like my wife). So I’ll be putting up footage of me playing video games up on YouTube, with voiceover/narration by myself. So basically, I will be treating it as a podcast with maybe some comments on how the game footage is going. It’s another platform for me as I am a regular player of games and I like to joke around, so I don’t see why I shouldn’t combine the two and potentially earn money from it (get enough views on your YouTube channel and you start being paid for advertisement and such, so much so that you could probably gain the equivalent monthly earnings of working a 5hour job everyday, why aren’t other people doing this!). So if you are interested in games, watch and listen, if you don’t like games but like a good joke in a short podcast format, have my voice in the background while you are on facebook or whatever it is you people do. It’s a win win situation for me, and you!

Also, I do photography properly now, so if anyone reading needs headshots then I suggest you get in contact with me and we will talk prices, mine are ridiculously cheap, for now!

Sean, what are you doing with all this money? Is it going towards anything? Cocaine mainly. That and I’m saving up to moving out and I want to try and get an agent in America (through going there after getting in contact with agents that desire to use my face, not by buying myself into one, never do that, it’s a scam!) without borrowing money from my lovely parents.

Summary

Will do a blog about the Derren Brown Promo, it was a prime example of why I’m terrible at dance and how Derren Brown could potentially hate me for accidently sounding sarcastic.

Also I’m going to be doing a blog about my adventures in “improving” myself. I know, I’m as worried as you are.

Plus! Expect a very ranty blog about those who think it’s there right to feel they are better then others even though they haven’t accomplished anything! Needless to say, it potentially could be awesome, or an anti-climax (it all comes full circle, bit like a wank in a roundabout, have you missed me?).

The Final Day of the Project- Subject: Me

Introduction

The last day of the project! I don’t really feel sad about it, as it doesn’t have to stop entirely. I have enjoyed doing it, as my English be getting better (deliberate). Along with that, it’s given me a chance to really have a good bicker and have a wider view on life. I feel as if I was always haunted by my own past, the wrong doings, the missed chances and all that shameful stuff. I admit, I am one of those people who say “I don’t regret anything”, but admittedly, there is plenty I regret. Whether it be with ex girlfriends, or fears that should have been shrugged off, they always seemed to haunt me and hurt my prospects and views on life. Fears and worries turned to hate which turned to my new catchphrase for a while which was “I don’t care”. On hindsight, of course I did, otherwise I wouldn’t have found an issue in it anyway. Stuff like my ex not texting me for a whole day for the first time in 3 years or coming back from a casting knowing it went bad and then telling myself, “I didn’t really want it anyway”. Anything to really shut up the voices in my head telling me that it actually has hurt me. I seem to only really be hurt by the blatantly obvious, which smashes me so hard in the face I don’t have time to say I don’t care about it (only for me to crawl into that hole later to avoid further questioning on the matter).

My Views on Sympathy

I hate sympathy, because of my constant crying and steady rising fears of everything as a child, I got a lot of it, but I also over heard resentment for it. I missed so much school that my friends got fed up of it because they didn’t understand what Crohn’s Disease was. In year 11 I changed quite a lot on my aspect on life. If I were to put it in a plainer example, it felt like I had aged in my mind about 5 years from thinking like a 12 year old to a 17 year old. By the time I had got out of A levels after three weeks, I was so sour of people, my brain had aged about 40 years. Which is probably one of the reasons (other then the obvious) to why I was so grateful to be surrounded by such fantastic and lovely people when I went to BTEC (of course there was a few characters, a boy called Anthony was one of them, he threatened to “spark” a girl, I then ((heroically of course, didn’t have time to get my cape, but the top hat and monocle was enough)) got up and said Anthony calm down and his quick witted reply was “don’t Anthony me”. I didn’t really have a clever reply to it other then “ok do the hustle do do dooo doo do da do do”, although that is my preset reply to anything in my mind, I do hope that guy is OK though, he disappeared off the radar when he left college). These people, I am happy to say will be life long friends, I am in awe of them and I couldn’t love them more.

  

Now when I have an issue, I usually speak to certain people I spoke about above, or wait until I don’t care anymore, not the I don’t care thing I mentioned earlier, real not caring. Although that process does take a few months/years. Even when my Crohn’s is acting up, I don’t talk about it or mention it, in fear that I will get sympathy.

I’m not an alpha male at all at the moment, but one thing I have learnt over the years is to never show weakness to the outsiders. A bleak thought I know, one that has probably stopped some friendships from getting past stage 2, but it’s one that has been buried into my mind like a flower in the back garden.

Their was a situation at my old drama group when we played a game called "chairs". This game requires you to imagine the chair is the person you’ve needed to speak to for ages. In doing so, you say the things you’ve needed to get out. This memory is one that I can’t help but regret deeply, even while typing this I’m tensing and squinting at the sheer thought of it (I even did a shiver that was so crazy it had pulled my neck muscles, the cheeky rascals). I had gotten carried away in the moment, not only going once but a total of three times (twice before the break, third time after), the last one ending with me storming out crying. “What had possessed me to even think it was a good idea to do it?!” I would yell at myself on nights pondering over it. I’m not a follower, neither am I an obvious leader, but I’m certainly not a follower, so what had allowed me to break all conformities which have all been set in stone? What angers me most at myself about the situation, is that I even did it, my issues weren’t as big as others, I didn’t need people to know my problems, especially those I didn’t really know. A place in which for a while I felt was a sanctuary, an opportunity to hang out with my best mates and where I could spend valuable time with one that I had loved for so long, was ruined for me. I don’t blame the owners or anyone else for the way I feel about it, that day is up for anyone’s presumption, but for me, it was one I regretted. After that, the drama class felt dirty to me, like they had witnessed me taking a dump in a circle and then backfliping into it, I felt dishonoured. It didn’t bring those who I didn’t really like to me, it only acted as a deterrent for me to never do anything similar again. It was pandemonium at the end, a guy smashed a window, another was weeping so hard onto another’s shoulder that he had a nose bleed, all of them with problems that warranted affection, love and sympathy, wishing for all of them to get better. I had made a hasty retreat and recovered, to make sure everyone was happy and smiling, but with a constant haunting feeling that I had some how ruined my natural, light-hearted persona for those in the room. A sub reason to why I think I had taken that day so badly is that their really wasn’t anyone else I could blame. Yes we could of not continued the game after the break, yes we could of just not played that game at all, yes my girlfriend at the time could of not run into the toilet at break, leaving me on my own, but I was the one who decided to take part, no one forced me. It was definitely an experience, one that I am slightly grateful for, but still one I regret.

My humour

I just want to secure something safely in the bank. My humour, the reason why I’m always making jokes (whether they be good or bad) is not a subconscious attempt to hide my insecurities. My insecurities are few and far between and if you spend enough time with me, you’d probably realise I make jokes out of everything. I’m comfortable with myself, yes I would like to gain weight if the Crohn’s let me, of course I’d love to be taller, but all these things I don’t really have control over, so I don’t see it as a problem. It’s not a coping mechanism either because I’m secretly gay (which is what every answer book about any action that I take will probably lead too). Nothing wrong with being gay, in fact if I was gay I’d probably be a whole lot funnier and less “seemingly flirtatious” towards women because of my friendliness and humour. Thinking about it, I think it would just switch over so guys would feel that way (I attract a lot of straight men for some reason?). My humour, is my humour, I love making jokes, I love creativity, which is why I hardly plan most things I say and I love making people happy and smile. It’s an addiction to me, if you laugh at the things I say I will not only fall in love with you slightly but I will also become more and more aware of what you find funny and stick with it. But in a generalised way so those who don’t a have similar humour could probably laugh at it to. Although, their is a girl I’ve been good friends with for a while (lies! All lies, kidding), we end up doing strange sounds together for about an hour, giggling away like Japanese school girls who have just seen the new cute (hentai) anime bunny. I love making people happy, I love making them feel things in a positive way (or a negative way if I’m acting and it’s the desired thing to need, like I’m playing a paedophile sports player who just shagged his team mates girlfriend ((no I’m not saying John Terry is a paedophile, I just added it for an increased anguish towards the character in question!). Overall, I just want people to smile more then they do, to be a reason for happiness, if there was anything I wanted more then becoming a well regarded actor, is to see those who I love, and those who deserve it, to be happy.

I may not speak to certain people as much as I would hope, I may seem distant at times, but never think I would want anything other then the best for you, unless you’re a nazi/unicorn or anything similar.

Summary

To be perfectly honest with you all, I’ve never felt happier. I feel a sense of completion at the moment. It won’t last and that’s not me being pessimistic, I hardly ever feel this happy, which is why I treasure these moments. I’m currently on my own, cooking for myself. As much as I find it inevitable that I will get a “pad” on my own, I don’t mind the thought of it. It even excites me at the thought of getting a pad with someone I truly love. It’s not a depressing thought, it’s just one that makes me smile that smile only associated with the thoughts of the future and aspiration (or bacon).

I just want to say thank you to all of those have supported me over the month, the regular readers, the future readers and those who can read in general (won’t insert any dyslexic bashing, or deshing as they would write). So this is it from the project, thank you again, it’s been fun. It’s not a goodbye, it’s a cya later (when I remember what film that is from I will be fully complete and then sail away into the distant sunlight to the sounds of Bon Iver “for Emma”). If you have just read this one, I implore you to read the others and tell me what you think, same to those who have read all of them, fudge it, to those who have anything to think, tell me.

So thank you again, I love you all. This is it, for now, much love

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